“James!” I breathed, “What… what are you doing here?” I
turned to Ace who was standing with his mouth open.
“I’m sorry Scarlett,” James said bursting into tears. I went to run towards him but I stopped.
“That guy,” I said, my eyes scanning around my apartment, “he’s not… here… is he?” I asked nervously.
“Of course he’s not, I left him Scarlett! I left him for you guys!” I suddenly felt my heart drop and I ran towards him my arms wide. I pulled him in tight and hugged him whilst he cried. I wanted to cry too but I was too much in shock. I pulled away from him and looked into his eyes.
“I’m so glad you’re here,” I smiled. He nodded slowly and sniffed.
“I'm sorry Scarlett, I didn't mean for all of thi-“
“Hush, it’s not your fault okay, don’t apologize!” I said sternly looking into his eyes. He nodded. “Have you told Billie, she’s been so worried, Ace” I said turning to him, “grab my phone please.”
“No! not yet, please, I can’t face her right now, that’s why I came to you, she’s gonna be mad at me Scarlet, she won’t forgive me!” he sobbed. I looked confused.
“Why not? This isn't your fault you-“
“I’m a drug addict Scarlet!” James exclaimed. I shook my head.
“James it’s not your fault!”
“It is! I took the drugs, I wanted them!” he wept clinging to me. I couldn't speak, I didn't know what to say or do. I then felt Ace’s arm rest on my shoulder.
“Here mate,” Ace smiled, passing him some tissues and a glass of water. James smiled through his tears and took the tissue from Ace. He wiped away the tears which were streaming down his cheeks. I backed away in disbelief and confusion. I took a deep breath and re-gained composure.
“Sit down James, I need to know everything…”
James told me the story of how he and Rodger met, (that was the dick heads name). Apparently they had met only two weeks before Christmas at a gay bar which I knew James visited often, I’d even been there. According to James he was a really sweet and genuine guy and he was totally smitten by him (he was definitely drunk then) and by the next morning they had agreed to be a couple.
“I knew it was fast, but, he was just so perfect you know, he had great looks, great personality, I really clicked with him,” he said softly, I nodded my head. “But then he started getting all jealous, he said now we were a couple I had to stay with him like ALL the time, I told him about Christmas and he told me I wasn't allowed to go with you guys…. I didn't know what to do,”
“But, he let you, you were with us?” I asked, frowning.
“I lied to him Scarlett, I told him my mum was dying and I had to visit her to say good bye!”
“Wow, James, that’s crazy…”
“I had to! I didn't want to let you down! I just wanted to be away from him, but then I felt so guilty… I lied to him.”
“James, we would have understood we would have helped you, you didn't tell us!” I burst.
“Do you think it was easy not to! I wanted to have a good time without even thinking about him, I thought I was free, but he was waiting for me at the train station and then-“
“He found out?” I asked softly. He nodded.
“He messaged ALL my family on Facebook asking about my mum, he even called my mum!”
“Oh James, I’m so sorry you had to go through it alone, but what about the drugs?”
“Well, after we met… well you know… we were experimenting. I mean I didn't want to take them! But he told me it would make it fun and less painful.”
“What less painful?” I asked, feeling slightly uneasy.
“We went to this place and there were loads of men there and they… I don’t wanna talk about it Scarlett! I took the drugs, it took the pain away, but I couldn't stop, that’s it okay, but it’s done now!” James shouted suddenly bursting into tears again. I stared into space and rubbed his back.
“Scarlet,” I heard Ace say; I’d almost forgotten he was still here. “Do you want me to go?” He asked trying to smile. I nodded slowly.
“I’m sorry about tonight…” I said kinda awkwardly remembering what we were doing before.
“It’s fine, if you need anything, just call yeah?” he smiled, walking towards the door. He then turned around. “Bye James,” he called. James lifted up his head and sniffed.
“I’m sorry we couldn't have met under better circumstances,” he laughed softly.
Once Ace had left we sat in silence.
“He’s a nice guy,” James then said.
“Yeah, he’s great,” I smiled looking down and picking at my nail.
“Have you sealed the deal?” he asked.
“Were not exclusive,” I smiled. He nodded slowly. “So what happens now?” I asked.
“I’m not sure, I’m worried Scarlett.” I reached out and held his hand.
“He’s not gonna hurt you anymore, Billie and I, we won’t let him,” I said firmly.
“Can you call Billie now?” he then asked reaching out for the class of water.
Billie was round in ten minutes. She was in tears and hugging James. James didn't tell her all he had told me and I understood why. Billie was completely anti-drugs. Her father had been addicted to cocaine and heroin when she was little and she had a pretty bad childhood because of it. She had been on dozens of campaigns and even protests against drug use. Even though Billie would have understood I could see why James would have felt uneasy telling her. I made us all a cup of tea and we sat in silence watching the fireworks on the TV. It was coming up to 12’clock but neither one of us felt excited. James had stopped crying but there was a sense of sadness in the room still.
“It must be freezing out there,” I said watching the crowd of people surrounding the south bank to watch the fireworks. They both nodded and mumbled in agreement. “You know, we shouldn't be miserable, James is here now and it’s a new year!” I exclaimed. Billie looked over at me and smiled.
“You right, but just can’t believe someone would be so cruel,” she sighed.
“Billie, I’m not going to ruin New Year’s,” James said standing up, “Rodger would have wanted that, and that’s why we are going to celebrate!” He laughed. “Quick, get the champagne, look us old laddies drinking tea on fricking New Years!” He laughed. I could tell he was forcing himself to be happy, but maybe it was better than him feeling sorry for himself. I got up and grabbed a bottle of champagne from the fridge along with three glasses. James took them and filled them up. “Here, here,” he smiled passing us both a glass. He then sat down between us and placed his arms around us and pulled us close.
“10….9….8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1!” The TV screamed. Suddenly we all jumped up and drunk our champagne.
“Happy new year!” Billie smiled kissing James on the cheek.
“Happy new year you guys!” James laughed, giving me a huge hug. I smiled and for the first time felt I really did have James back, even if getting over this would take a long, long time.
“I’m sorry Scarlett,” James said bursting into tears. I went to run towards him but I stopped.
“That guy,” I said, my eyes scanning around my apartment, “he’s not… here… is he?” I asked nervously.
“Of course he’s not, I left him Scarlett! I left him for you guys!” I suddenly felt my heart drop and I ran towards him my arms wide. I pulled him in tight and hugged him whilst he cried. I wanted to cry too but I was too much in shock. I pulled away from him and looked into his eyes.
“I’m so glad you’re here,” I smiled. He nodded slowly and sniffed.
“I'm sorry Scarlett, I didn't mean for all of thi-“
“Hush, it’s not your fault okay, don’t apologize!” I said sternly looking into his eyes. He nodded. “Have you told Billie, she’s been so worried, Ace” I said turning to him, “grab my phone please.”
“No! not yet, please, I can’t face her right now, that’s why I came to you, she’s gonna be mad at me Scarlet, she won’t forgive me!” he sobbed. I looked confused.
“Why not? This isn't your fault you-“
“I’m a drug addict Scarlet!” James exclaimed. I shook my head.
“James it’s not your fault!”
“It is! I took the drugs, I wanted them!” he wept clinging to me. I couldn't speak, I didn't know what to say or do. I then felt Ace’s arm rest on my shoulder.
“Here mate,” Ace smiled, passing him some tissues and a glass of water. James smiled through his tears and took the tissue from Ace. He wiped away the tears which were streaming down his cheeks. I backed away in disbelief and confusion. I took a deep breath and re-gained composure.
“Sit down James, I need to know everything…”
James told me the story of how he and Rodger met, (that was the dick heads name). Apparently they had met only two weeks before Christmas at a gay bar which I knew James visited often, I’d even been there. According to James he was a really sweet and genuine guy and he was totally smitten by him (he was definitely drunk then) and by the next morning they had agreed to be a couple.
“I knew it was fast, but, he was just so perfect you know, he had great looks, great personality, I really clicked with him,” he said softly, I nodded my head. “But then he started getting all jealous, he said now we were a couple I had to stay with him like ALL the time, I told him about Christmas and he told me I wasn't allowed to go with you guys…. I didn't know what to do,”
“But, he let you, you were with us?” I asked, frowning.
“I lied to him Scarlett, I told him my mum was dying and I had to visit her to say good bye!”
“Wow, James, that’s crazy…”
“I had to! I didn't want to let you down! I just wanted to be away from him, but then I felt so guilty… I lied to him.”
“James, we would have understood we would have helped you, you didn't tell us!” I burst.
“Do you think it was easy not to! I wanted to have a good time without even thinking about him, I thought I was free, but he was waiting for me at the train station and then-“
“He found out?” I asked softly. He nodded.
“He messaged ALL my family on Facebook asking about my mum, he even called my mum!”
“Oh James, I’m so sorry you had to go through it alone, but what about the drugs?”
“Well, after we met… well you know… we were experimenting. I mean I didn't want to take them! But he told me it would make it fun and less painful.”
“What less painful?” I asked, feeling slightly uneasy.
“We went to this place and there were loads of men there and they… I don’t wanna talk about it Scarlett! I took the drugs, it took the pain away, but I couldn't stop, that’s it okay, but it’s done now!” James shouted suddenly bursting into tears again. I stared into space and rubbed his back.
“Scarlet,” I heard Ace say; I’d almost forgotten he was still here. “Do you want me to go?” He asked trying to smile. I nodded slowly.
“I’m sorry about tonight…” I said kinda awkwardly remembering what we were doing before.
“It’s fine, if you need anything, just call yeah?” he smiled, walking towards the door. He then turned around. “Bye James,” he called. James lifted up his head and sniffed.
“I’m sorry we couldn't have met under better circumstances,” he laughed softly.
Once Ace had left we sat in silence.
“He’s a nice guy,” James then said.
“Yeah, he’s great,” I smiled looking down and picking at my nail.
“Have you sealed the deal?” he asked.
“Were not exclusive,” I smiled. He nodded slowly. “So what happens now?” I asked.
“I’m not sure, I’m worried Scarlett.” I reached out and held his hand.
“He’s not gonna hurt you anymore, Billie and I, we won’t let him,” I said firmly.
“Can you call Billie now?” he then asked reaching out for the class of water.
Billie was round in ten minutes. She was in tears and hugging James. James didn't tell her all he had told me and I understood why. Billie was completely anti-drugs. Her father had been addicted to cocaine and heroin when she was little and she had a pretty bad childhood because of it. She had been on dozens of campaigns and even protests against drug use. Even though Billie would have understood I could see why James would have felt uneasy telling her. I made us all a cup of tea and we sat in silence watching the fireworks on the TV. It was coming up to 12’clock but neither one of us felt excited. James had stopped crying but there was a sense of sadness in the room still.
“It must be freezing out there,” I said watching the crowd of people surrounding the south bank to watch the fireworks. They both nodded and mumbled in agreement. “You know, we shouldn't be miserable, James is here now and it’s a new year!” I exclaimed. Billie looked over at me and smiled.
“You right, but just can’t believe someone would be so cruel,” she sighed.
“Billie, I’m not going to ruin New Year’s,” James said standing up, “Rodger would have wanted that, and that’s why we are going to celebrate!” He laughed. “Quick, get the champagne, look us old laddies drinking tea on fricking New Years!” He laughed. I could tell he was forcing himself to be happy, but maybe it was better than him feeling sorry for himself. I got up and grabbed a bottle of champagne from the fridge along with three glasses. James took them and filled them up. “Here, here,” he smiled passing us both a glass. He then sat down between us and placed his arms around us and pulled us close.
“10….9….8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1!” The TV screamed. Suddenly we all jumped up and drunk our champagne.
“Happy new year!” Billie smiled kissing James on the cheek.
“Happy new year you guys!” James laughed, giving me a huge hug. I smiled and for the first time felt I really did have James back, even if getting over this would take a long, long time.
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